Hypergalactic Psychic Table Tennis 3000 may look like the classic video game Pong, but… oh, who are we kidding? Pong never had magic spells, nuclear explosions, and dialogue trees. No version that we’ve ever played.

Hypergalactic Psychic Table Tennis 3000 is a surreal RPG Paddle adventure, from the makers of Mass Effect. By “makers of Mass Effect,” we naturally mean Warren Heise, who did a bit of UI for Mass Effect 2, and Mark Meer – the voice of Commander Shepard himself.

The surreal part of “surreal RPG Paddle adventure” is pretty obvious – just watch the trailer. The game’s RPG mechanics are more interesting to talk about. Your paddle will grow from a few blocky pixels into a beast of a racquet. Level up to increase your stats and size, learn new spells, read other paddles’ minds, and get tons of other fun bonuses.

You’ll also unlock new cosmetic equipment, spells, ridable beasts, and secret thoughts – even romantic thoughts. A full dialog system will allow you to converse with, and eventually romance, the strongest of paddles.

As an anthropomorphic paddle who feels destined to become the best table tennis paddle in the hypergalaxy, you’ll have to take down some seriously powerful paddles. But while crushing your enemies, you’ll learn that each one of them has a name, a story – a whole inner world; they all matter.

According to developer Blue Wizard Digital, HPTT3K (as the cool kids call it) is “an ultra-Freudian Dadaesque ball-paddling fever dream of a game.” I’m starting to see why.

When you get right down to the nitty-gritty, what you’ll be doing most of your time with the game is to attempt and get your ball past the opposing paddle. It’s still Pong, but on so, so many drugs.

Hypergalactic Psychic Table Tennis 3000 is available now on Steam for both PC and Mac.

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